Monday, May 24, 2010

Model Monday - Defeated




Shirt * Old Navy * $3.49
Pants * Old Navy * $5.00
Sandals * Target * 12.99
There was a flower ponytail holder, but that was lost somewhere among the toys today.

I'm feeling a bit like my model looks today,  disheveled, drained, defeated.  Fortunately despite the looks of her, Miss Icie is feeling none of those horrible "D" words today.  Miss Thing has decided that gargling her milk and letting it roll down her chin and chest is super fun and charming.  I'm having a hard time finding it charming.  Today is the first day  she's had some of her spunk back since Friday.  The weekend was filled with a low grade fever and general miserableness.  We are almost 24 hours to being fever free and hopefully she stays that way, though I could do without some of the sass.  Time Out has been getting a lot of visits this morning already.   The sleeping situation that had been going wonderfully also went to shit this weekend.  I know it was mostly due to the unknown illness and nastiness but last night was full of tantrums of a toddler on the mend, seeing how far she could push her luck and milk this sickness. 
I was awake from two until five waiting her out.  I thought I had won several times and then the fits would rage.  Medicine was administered, hugs were given, a sippy cup dispatched, and then the sympathy wore off when I realized this was just a good old fashioned  tantrum.   She would be settled for about 20 minutes at a time and then a little whimper or whine would come through on the monitor.  This is not the first time that we've had a battle of the wills, it's just been awhile since we've both dug our heels in.  My husband slept right through most of our battle.
As far as my weight loss journey is concerned, that's where the defeat is coming into play.  I held steady this week.  I feel as though I have a few great days where I am super committed and then I fall off the wagon.  It's a horrible, horrible pattern.  I wish I could get over my food addiction.  I know logically I'd feel better, be happier, have more energy.  I know a lot of my problem is boredom, and that should not be an excuse.  I have a hard time trusting people and making new friends.  I also feel very self conscious about my weight (the heaviest I've ever been) and that adds to anxiety of making new friends.  The anxiety leads to eating and the cycle continues.  So the weight loss stands at 11 pounds, but I won't give up, I'll keep trying to break this cycle.

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