I hate, I mean absolutely hate attending things that pertain to my husband's work. It makes me nervous. I am intimidated and insecure. I am not sure why I thought today would be any different.
My husband works in higher education, so today was a back to school picnic for staff and faculty. I automatically get nervous that someone is going to ask me a question about my own education. It has happened before and most people quickly change the subject when I say I have none. I have gotten more than one eye roll that have seemed to indicate, what is he doing her.
I am also insecure about my weight, something I have always, always been insecure about that has only intensified since having Icie. I really really try to dress myself appropriately, trying to be presentable. I like to try not to look like a stuffed sausage and/or a fat girl in a little coat.
I was feeling a little good today, a nice blog post by my friend, a few new followers. As silly as it may seem, this little blog makes me happy. It makes me feel as though someone is listening. It was high time I got knocked down a few pegs.
I was having an okay time. I was using Icie as my distraction. We were actually getting ready to leave when some of my husband's co-workers stopped to say hello. We had the typical small talk, then it happened. "When are you due?" asked one of the ladies. I pretended not to hear her and turned my attention to Icie playing at my feet. I thought she'd catch the clue. No dice, "When are you due?" she asked again. There were conversations going on around us and I didn't want to call attention to her question. I looked at her smiled politely and shook me head and looked at the ground. She got it that time.
We were heading to the parking lot when the tears started stinging my eyes. I put my head down and muttered how I hated these things. My husband had missed the entire exchange, so I had to fill him in, add salt to the wound.
I really really wish I could have laughed it off and said, " No, just a fat ass, thanks so much." but I couldn't. It's one thing to write it out and call myself a fat ass, which I do quite often, it's whole other story to blurt it out to a total stranger. The thing that stung so much was that I really thought I had been making some head way the past couple of weeks. I was even going to treat myself to a new pair of jeans with one of my many coupons tomorrow. Oh well, I give up! I'm just going to eat a gallon of ice cream, because you know the whole eating for two deal.