Friday, December 3, 2010
Flashback Friday ~ I've been here before
This house belonged to my great grandmother. My mom spent tons of time there growing up, while her parents were at work. My mom has told me stories my whole life about this house. My mom is strong, no nonsense, the back bone of the family. One of the few times you can see her visible soften is when she talks about her grandma and this house.
My memories of my great grandma are fuzzy, but equally warm. My memories don't include this house. My great grandma had moved into town by the time my memories of her were formed. I can close my eyes now and smell her. I remember going into her trailer in town and sitting in her kitchen. I remember playing in her yard. I remember later visiting her in a nursing home. I remember the scarves she made for my me and my sister. I remember her room in the nursing home. I remember her hands. I remember the night she died. I was five, I think. I wish I remembered more.
I dream about her all the time. I wake up and I wish I could find something that smelled like her. One dream I have about her all the time is of her and I sitting on bed, looking out a window over an empty field. I'm probably four or five in the dream. She rubs my back and we look out the window. Sometimes it's raining and we are counting, one Mississippi style between the thunder and lightening. She assures me the storm is heading in the opposite direction. Sometimes in the dream we are just looking over the empty field with a clear sky and enjoying the stars.
Maybe six or seven years ago my mom and I were driving by the house, like we always do when were in the area, and my mom stopped the car. My mom knows the current owners. They were in the garage when we stopped. My mom went over to talk to them. They knew who she was immediately. It's so small town there that when my mom introduced me and said I had never seen the inside of the house before they offered us a tour.
I finally had a visual for all the stories my mom had told me. I saw the kitchen that her and grandma would sit in the middle of the night and have snacks. I pictured them eating their snacks and hearing the water click on in the barn when Smoke the horse would get a drink. The house was cozy and warm. We headed up the stairs to see the bedrooms and as we turned the corner into the bedroom in the front of the house my knees almost buckled. I had been there before. This was the room, the windows from my dreams.
So, now when I see this picture I look immediately at those windows and I hope I have my dream again sometime soon.
Join in the Flashback Fun at Christopher and Tia's.