Friday, November 25, 2011
Most days I get bogged down in the toddlerdom of it all. I get frustrated with repeating myself. I expect perfection. I expect good behavior at all times. I expect way too much.
I am working on my patience. I am working on consistency. I don't want to be a pushover. I don't want to be a stick in the mud. I want to find balance. I waver between tough love, being the bad cop, and spoiling the crap out of my little love.
I grit my teeth just as much as I burst into full smiles and laughter. I tend to focus on the grinding of my teeth.
I curse under my breath every time I step on some little toy. I'm sure I appear to be a Grinch in most situations. My natural inclination is to keep my joy to myself. I earned it, it's mine. I'm afraid that attitude causes most people in my life to think I'm unhappy or ungrateful for the gifts in my life.
My moments of quiet, where my heart swells with love and pride for my family are mine. My smile may not come easily but it is always in my heart.
The moments I am most grateful for are the moments that may just seem like a kid sitting in a pile of mess. The moments that make me grab my camera may not be picture worthy to most, but to me they are records of my inner smile.
My pride in her imagination. My joy in her happiness. My peace in her contentment.